what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
