So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
