So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Two words: nipple clamps
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