I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
