I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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