My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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