wakey wakey hands off snakey
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
