I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
