i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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