sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
