if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
