I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
