we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
