Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
