Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My bed smells like the plague
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
