I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
