I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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