apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
