she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
