He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
false alarm. still invincible.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
