I hate all girls vehemently.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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