i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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