Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
