My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
