Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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