All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
