You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
