I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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