How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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