So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
