I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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