Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
