I puked a lego.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
