It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
