So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
