i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
