I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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