Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
