Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
