I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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