a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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