i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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