I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
