i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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