i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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