Umm I'm too high to move.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
