after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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