the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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