dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
