in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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