So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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