arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
