i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
